Is it worse to have to mourn
what could have some day been
Or just to wonder exactly what
"should be" could ever mean?

Thinking of all the things that
weren't like the 50s on TV
tumble-dries some issues like
why all this blame is on me

Love coupled with dislike, for example
is a strange shadow to grow under
The disconnect, the dissonance
is what leads to all this wonder

As was the general assumption that
if something was wrong it's my fault
So I must either get it right the first time
or fix it before I get caught

Is it worse to wonder why
they kept moving far away
Or what they might have been running from -
why they could not stay?

Growing up having to know I was right
without any confirmation at home
Has produced a shell of sadness
where intimacy should have grown

Is it worse to have to mourn
what could have some day been
Or just to wonder why all the
"should bes" are floating by in dreams?

Nothing ever ends
but some things do begin

2/19/24