(This essay is one of the cornerstones of the thoughts that have led to this work.) I had just seen a film, been moved to tears by a few scenes in fact, just as a film two weeks ago had moved me. I exited the theater enervated, disoriented, and alienated, but in a positive way. Got my coffee. Sat on a downtown bench, why I don't know. When I saw her it all seemed to make sense. What made sense? My condition - the film alone was not enough to explain it (it wasn't that good), but her presence, in the theater as it turns out, is enough to explain it to me. I know this is pretty hard to believe, I don't expect it to be "believed". I did not have some vision such as "She is downtown tonight", although I had to fight a tendency to want to call her and let her know I was going to go see the film, most of the afternoon (I only made the decision last night/early AM). That could have easily been wishful thinking, however. My definition of my reaction to her as "a disruption in or of the spiritual dimension(s) whenever she is near" is justified by this experience. the important thing is that I did not need to know she was physically near for the effect to occur. So an attempt to explain what I mean by that definition will be the starting point for a meandering ramble into the thoughts I have on many, many interelated subjects. Yet another introduction turns into too many words... so I go back to the top and write another of them. Luckily they all seem equally incoherent when left together as one long sequence. One beginning of an essay, originally mixed up with a letter... 10/13/99 
© Huw Powell
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