I bet you couldn't write your way out of this hell
Out of this hell in my head that trapped me, that is

I can't stand being a slave to my stale deadly past
And the pain that stings, that throbs, that reverberates

Pain that demands I suppress it by any means
Even though that means makes it worse as it falters

Poison mistaken for agony's medicine
It pockets the sharpness for a day, for a night

The painkiller that wears out its welcome too late,
Now wears my blood, a badge of its rank on its sleeve

The space between numbness and terror grows smaller
Each day that I feed it, its tactics get bolder

And my heart leaks out where the drafts once came in
And nothing much really keeps me warm any more

As the years go by the truth becomes more painful
Than the lies that I shared, the facade that is left

Instead of a duffle bag overflowing with music
I'm left - with a briefcase full of excuses

So be assured, there's always one handy
To explain this once again to myself

Why it's not my fault, why I'm not to blame
For all the pain I cause, all the tired shame

It's no way to live but
It's a far worse way to die

7/4/22